Things to Think About Before Adopting
There are a lot of perks to adopting. In fact, saying “perks” is underselling it. You’re doing an amazing thing, giving a good home to a child who might not otherwise have one. And you’re giving all the love you have to someone. In a world of increasingly non-traditional families, we welcome the idea. More people should do it.
Considering the pros and cons of adoption is essential before making the decision to expand your family, ensuring that you’re well-informed and prepared for the journey ahead.
But there is a lot to think about when going through the process. For some tips, take a look at our guide of what you should know before going into the process, because our first tip is: once you’re in, you’re in.
It will take a while
The irony is not lost on us. Two healthy cisgendered heterosexual beings can have one bad night and come out 9 months later with a baby, no matter their background or living conditions. The adoption process is nearly as long, only a couple of years without a surrogate in the mix, which will slow things down more, and a small slip up can throw the whole idea down the pan.
The system wants to make sure you are loving and capable parents. The “capable” part, however, is a lot more subjective than the loving aspect. Children are often taken from their parents due to neglect, which the parents might argue is perfectly reasonable. They have a roof over their head, so what if the roof’s leaking? They’ve got a bed, so what if it’s unhygienic, etc.? We’re not about to say that a leaky roof will ruin the whole thing, but a leaky roof that’s not being dealt with…?
Prepare for a long period of a lot of judgement, paperwork, and visits. Even once you are approved for adoption, meeting your child has to be a gradual process if they aren’t a newborn, which brings us to our next point.
You’re walking a tightrope of mental health
If you’re dealing with a child that’s not a newborn, especially in the beginning, you’re going to have to get used to them talking about their old life, and the hang-ups that might come with that.
Say you’ve got a child that is devoid of some of the more cruel things that can happen to them, the idea of being taken from their birth mother can still be traumatizing, and you’ll have to be patient enough to handle their issues. Maybe they liked going somewhere their birth mother took them and want to go back or were only ever fed chicken nuggets so now they’re picky eaters.
And then there’s your mental health. Try not to get offended or upset if your child calls their birth mother “mummy” or talks about her. Patience is truly a virtue here.
Look into hiring a family law solicitor
There is a lot of reasons why you might want to hire a family law solicitor. Parents, even adopting parents, get divorced. The paperwork in the adoption process alone will give you a migraine, which a solicitor can look over, and it’s possible your child’s birth mother or father isn’t going to take the idea of you adopting your child well.
There are, of course, rules in place to stop them contacting you and your child, but there is always the possibility that they break those rules. It’s not unheard of for new parents to have to get a restraining order against birth parents. A family law solicitor can advise you on what is the best next move for you and your children to avoid any undue stress.
Don’t let any of this put you off the idea of adopting. You get a child to love, and a lonely or neglected child gets a mother and/or father to love. But love never does come easy.
